The Pirates save Christmas
by Gonrod
Summary: This is the story of how, in a horrible mix-up, Master Chief Eric Goylund, with the help of several others, must save Christmas.


[A/N]: Yes, its a bit early for any Christmas fanfics, but I'll be overseas for that day, so I'll post this now anyway, and with luck(and a bit of laziness), This will get finished on 26th December. And the dates are...ahead of time. And yes, here pirates have ranks. I thought that would be nicer. Credits for original idea go to Lord Mandalore, who has allowed me to use it.

Date: 20th December 2008

Time 19:55

Location: Caverns under the dead mine

Master Chief Eric Goylund grimaced to himself, as another fireball impacted near his squad of pirates, killing some, wounding others, and breaking the otherwise silent night with the screams of the wounded. The Chief was used to violence no doubt, having hit his third job a few months ago, but he absolutely hated being pinned down, not able to kill his enemy.

He peeked around the edge of the (half molten)rock he was hiding behind, just to see several Bains shoot another volley of fireballs, before a large group of firebombs floated forward, ready to self destruct.

_Suicidal bastards. _The chief thought to himself, as he fired several bursts from his Abyss shooter. He felt a brief moment of satisfaction as several firebombs burnt out, and crashed to the ground, a smoldering pile of ashes, but the rest floated even faster forward, determined to flush out the hiding pirates. The Outlaw took out a grenade, primed it, and with a shout of "Fire in the hole!", threw it forward, right in the path of the firebombs.

There was a almighty explosion, and half the cave caved in.

Chief smiled to himself, thinking it was all well. Then he heard a sound worse than a thousand Yetis roaring in unison.

"Don't worry! I'll get em Master Sir!"

"DAMNIT CANDY!!!" Chief screamed as a large 6"2 brawler ran out from cover.

He had recently been dealing with Master Sergeant William Candy, who was from Louisiana and had an accent to match. Saying his name in the accent was possibly the most annoying thing Chief had ever heard. Worst of all, no matter what he did, he just didn't seem to die even when doing something incredibly stupid (Candy wasn't all that bright).

Now, Candy was running toward the monsters with, in one hand, a wooden stick and in the other, a can of insect repellent. As he ran, a small junior bain popped up from cover, and Candy whacked it with his stick. This gave the (junior) bain massive head trauma and it died.

All of a sudden, a large bain emerged from the save it had been hiding in, and shot at Candy with a fireball. Sgt. Candy simply sprayed his can of repellent into its face.

"Rawrgh waga waga!!"(OMFG! My eyes! My Eyes!)

It ran into a unstable, large rock, and toppled it over onto the rest of the bain forces.

Sgt. Candy then ran towards the Master Chief, and tried to salute him but instead smacked him in the helmet with the (half broken)stick.

"HI!" Candy shouted in Chief's face. "I'm Master Sergeant William CANdy."

_He always emphasizes the can._ Eric thought before screaming, "I KNOW YOUR NAME YOU'VE TOLD ME ABOUT 60 MILLION FREAKING TIMES!!!"

Candy didn't seem to notice, so the Chief sighed, decided to call it a day, and decided to lead the rest of his squad back to the town. Halfway back, however, he noticed the _crimson balrogs ship, _carrying what seemed like a red balrog, and it seemed that it was being pulled by several horse like monsters.

_What the hell? _Eric thought, before marking it with a homing beacon, sending a pelican with a bomb to bomb it, and, for good measure, shooting it with a flamethrower, in the hopes that he could distract it while his squad sent for backup. However, the ship went down easily, crashing into the ground with a spectacular boom. Strangely, it still seemed intact, which is odd, as something that fell from a height of 53,000 m should have been shattered into pieces the moment it hit the ground.

Eric menacingly walked toward it, and when he got close, some kind of humanoid slime jumped out, screamed something high and hysterical, and was put out of his misery by a single burst from the chief's gun. As he approached the rog's corpse, he noticed a few things odd about it.

One: It had no wings

Two: It was dressed in red.

Three: A long strand of white hair was coming out of its face.

_A beard?_ Chief thought, two new types of enemies in one day, the strange slime and now this.

He was really surprised when he saw the craft, they weren't engine. They were reindeer. And the ship was smaller than it seemed, it was one third of a normal rog's ship, and it seemed...sleigh like.

"What the hell?" Eric said aloud. Reindeer had been extinct for centuries.

He then saw a large sack on the back of the craft. _A BOMB! _Eric screamed in his mind before he threw all his grenades at the sack and took cover.

There was a almighty 'BOOM', but the sack, and the craft, was still intact.

_What kind of shielding is this?_ Eric thought to himself, before picking up the small, laminated card that lay next to the corpse. As he read it, his eyes grew wide beneath the brim of his wide hat, in shock and horror.

Suddenly, Sgt. Candy ran up, and seeing the wreck, his eyes widened.

He shouted, "You done killed Sanny' Claus!"


End file.
